Why is it I have these days when I feel like I do "nothing". I am always feeling like I did nothing. Really now...Today :  I shopped for fruit trees this morning at a local nursery.  bought 14 trees--Apple, plum, nectarine, cherry, mandarin, grapefruit/orange, pear and pomegranate. Went to the grocery store. I had a visit with Beth and Tonya. Had Grammy time with Laci. Took my mom and aunts dinner and had a visit with them too. Put lights up on the front porch. Fed horses and cleaned out water troughs. Cleaned the kitchen-once.

I did NOT: make my bed, do any laundry, dusting or vacuuming. I did NOT mop or sweep. I did NOT scrub the bathrooms.

Still I wanted to: Pull weeds in the garden. Recover a old stool. Sew a dozen aprons. Make living room curtains. Decorate for fall. Organize photos (a never ending thing to do). Cook more, read more, write more, visit more...

Are my expectations just too much? Will I ever feel like I do enough?

I have anxiety about going to work on Monday. I like my job, I just don't want one anymore. I already have a job, right here, it's called "my life". Why in the world do I need another one. Oh yeah... it's that money thing- right?

Tonight time falls back 1 hour...maybe there is still time.

Better hurry!

Oh yeah..the rose pix has nothing to do with this post. I was sorting through pictures and just liked it. See...there I go again getting side tracked.

Wishing for more time and ambition.

The Girasole Lady

p.s. where is spell check in this new blogger format???

Flowers for my Girls

Many times I have been asked "Do you love your daughters all the same."

It has taken me a life time to understand that question in relationship to my now adult daughters. The answer is NO. To love them all exactly the same would be a terrible injustice to their individuality. They are not the same. I have chosen flowers that most represent each of my beautiful and unique daughters.

SUNFLOWER
Kristina...she is a sunflower...
She has a heart as big as the sun. She is always bursting out with life. Her petals are bright and her stalk is strong and sturdy. She follows the sun, letting it shine on her life. She stands tall and reaches for the sky. Her leaves are big and makes you want to grab hold and run with her. She attracts the bees, they collect her sweetness to make the golden honey.

PEONEY

Beth... she is a Peoney...
Do you see how intricate and soft her petals are. They are so tightly wrapped together. Holding precious life in the intricate folds, bursting with sweetness. Her smell is lovely. Her petals so soft. You just want to scoop her up and squeeze her with love. You just cannot get enough.

ROSE

Tonya...she is a Rose...

Not the traditional tightly wrapped single rose. A loose rambling rose. Her beauty is open and shared with all the world. She understands the elements of mother nature and keeps her petals just open enough to reveal her beauty, both inside and out. Her petals are like velvet. She reminds us "Do the Roses have thorns, or do the thorns have Roses?" No matter...she is always the rose.

My love for them is uniquely individual, but all the love comes from the same heart.

The Girasole Lady

Bouchon

On my recent trip to Las Vegas I was treated as "Queen of France" for one evening at the Bouchon in the Venetian. It started with this.....

LEMON DROP-yum!


DIVINE

EXQUISITE

DREAMY

LUSCIOUS

TANTALIZING

SCRUMPTIOUS

INDULGENT

"I am not a glutton-I am an explorer of food" - Erma Bombeck

DECADENT

Never again will the sweetness of dessert cross over my lips, brushing smooth against my palate, without thinking of this evening of pure indulgence. Thank you Chris Herrin for a fabulous evening of the most delectable desserts ever.

The Girasole Lady

Leaving for Las Vegas

On Thursday I am leaving for Las Vegas. This is our annual "staff get away". I will be back home Sunday evening.

I am not the kind of person who likes to leave home, unless absolutely necessary. This causes incredible anxiety. If I never left home again it would be too soon. There is nothing that cannot be delivered right to my own front door.

In preparation for this upcoming event I went to Walgreens last night with Beth and bought several small travel items, shampoo, toothpaste, lotion, soap etc.. I was hoping that would get me in the mood for travel. NO!

Then I went to Raley's and got some goodies to soothe me on the way, Jolly Ranchers, Apple Jacks and Life Savers. I was hoping that would get me in the mood for travel. NO!

Then I went to the Pharmacy for medication, to ease the edge off, to get me through this trip. I was hoping that would get me in the mood for travel. OK - well maybe.

I am very appreciative about the generous gift of a trip, completely planned by my most generous friend (1st), boss (2nd). Whitney is amazing at planning all sorts of things. As a matter of fact if it weren't for her I would have been absolutely no where, not even on an airplane. For that I am eternally grateful and appreciative. She has been wonderful to me, and I always end up having a good time. That is once I get out my own front door.

I am just not like most people. I don't like getting dressed up for special events, I am nervous about sharing space with people outside of my family. I don't possess the budget or fashion sense equal to my travel mates. Honestly my favorite place to be is at home. My home expects nothing of me. It doesn't care if I am happy or sad, always has a comfortable place to rest, and really doesn't care about what I am wearing. It cares only that I am in it, and that I give it a life, my life.

Everything I need is right here at home.

SEE.

Tired...

Today I am tired.

I am tired because- I started the morning at 5:15am out at the horse barn separating horses that sometime in the wee hours of the morning decided to have a sleep over and share a stall. Tell me, how in the world can 2 horses learn to remove the pins on the fence panels and open it like a gate!

I am tired because- I got to work 7 minutes late, thanks to the horses. No time to make a lunch.

I am tired because- I went with my mom this morning to her consult with the plastic surgeon for breast reconstruction following her mastectomy.

I am tired because- I got a frantic telephone call from Kristina because someone turned in front of her and it totaled her car. She is fine.

I am tired because I did not take a lunch break at work because I spent my break in the doctors office with my mom. I ate lunch at my desk cheese + apples and a chocolate milk.

I am tired because- I had to work at my desk all day and stare at a computer. Numbers...it's all about numbers. Numbers telling insurance companies what services were rendered to a patient. Numbers describing what their diagnosis were. Numbers in the amount of allowed payables. Communicating with insurance companies is all in numbers. Go ahead call this toll free number, press 1 if you are the subscriber, press 2 if you are a physician, press 3 if you want benefits and eligibility, press 4 if you have a question about claims status, press 5 if you need preauthorization, press 6 if you want to shoot yourself before this call is over. DO NOT press zero, this is an invalid selection. Press the star key to go back to the main menu. on and on and on and on...

I am tired....really tired- I could not stay awake at my desk. All I wanted to do was close my eyes, just until I felt rested.

I am tired because-I didn't get home until late after work. All I could do was sit on the back porch and look at the garden, it needed watering, there are weeds that need to be pulled too. There are dishes in the sink. Laundry on the bedroom floor and all over the laundry room floor too. There is stuff all over the kitchen table. There are spider webs on the walls, dirt on the floor. Just stuff...stuff everywhere.

I am tired because-there is not a single part of my body that does not hurt tonight.

I am tired because-I do not feel human. How can I possibly be this tired.

I am tired because-I am tired and tired of being tired.

I am tired and I am going to bed.